The Sun – pass notes

Following our SENSUNTIONAL revelation that LEFTY students have bothered to read Frankenstein YOUR SUN brings pass note summaries of ALL those TOP TEN literary classics that you can’t be bothered to read either:

The Snowman – Ray Briggs – snowflake grooming gang kidnaps young boy – paedo plot is foiled by Your Sun

Heart of Darkness – Conrad – African migrants hold Brit trader hostage in remote Congo hideout

Animal Farm – only available on video – lefty pigs, horses and donkeys have sickening orgy

Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen – fancy balls and that’s before you get to the dances. Page Seven Darcy lands bonking Bennett girl – despite Brexit.

A Room of One’s Own – Virginia Woolf – yes but when is it International Men’s Day?

Dracula – Bram Stoker – lovable Australian billionaire builds media empire by sucking blood out of everything as women fall at his feet

The Old Man and The Sea – Ernest Hemingway – elderly fisherman is forced to throw giant Marlin to the sharks due to EU imposed ‘common fisheries policy’

Paddington – Michael Bond – illegal ‘child’ immigrant cons family out of spare room and imposes Sharia law on Bayswater

Ragged Trousered Philanthropists – Owen Jones – lefties in shorts bring country to its knees

Oliver Twist – Chas Dickens – teen benefits mum abandons child by dying in new labour

Jobless ‘child’ migrant

In tomorrow’s Sun – we delete everything and throw ourselves in The Sea (Iris Murdoch)